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Triple Dog

December 6th, 2007
Vanity Fair presents The Department Store Santa Dare. Here are a few highlights. One-Point Dares 2. Tell a mother and child waiting behind you that Santa’s throne is made of Blitzen. 3. Rehearse your child so that when Santa asks what the tyke wants, he or she bursts into tears and says, “I just want Mommy and Daddy to be married again!” Three-Point Dares 1. Scrutinize Santa up and down, then ask witheringly, “Why do you have to dress like such a whore?” 3. Show up in a rented elf suit, pass Santa a résumé, and plead, “I really need this gig.” 4. Get on both knees and snort the fake snow. Five-Point Dares 1. Tug down on Santa’s false beard, point at him in alarm, and scream, “Megan’s Law! Megan’s Law!” 2. Sidle up to Santa and say conspiratorially, “Hey, I got the stuff.” Then drop a dime bag in his lap. 3. Bow your head, perform a sign of the cross, address Santa as “Father Christmas,” and confess to having impure thoughts about someone within earshot. The best reader-created dares will be posted on the VF site sometime in the near future.

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