Aural Advent Calendar: Day 14

With its premiere performance completed a mere 22 days ago, this tune could quite possibly be the newest Christmas song around.

Here are the lyrics, in case you have a special someone to serenade this season.

I want a cold, cold Christmas. I hope it’s 20 below.
Let a winter storm bury all that is warm in a bone-chilling blanket of snow.
I thought you would love me forever, turns out you wanted to part.
Now I want a cold, cold Christmas to go with your cold, cold, heart.

Oh I want a cold, cold Christmas. One that’s bitter and barren and bleak.
Where the weather’s foul and the West wind’s foul and the sun doesn’t shine for a week.
You hung up my heart like a stocking, then went and stuffed it with coal
I want a cold, cold Christmas to gnaw at the depths of your soul.

I’ll be alone this Christmas. You’d think it would cut like a knife.
But I’m numb inside ’cause a part of me’s died
From the frostbite you’ve spread in my life.

Darlin’, Christmas with you I’d used to love it so.
We’d trade presents and kiss beneath the mistletoe
I’d say I loved you and you said you love me too.
Remember? I said I loved you and you said, “I love me, too.”

Those days are over know, but I still want you to know
Even thought I’m not the one you’ll be kissing under the mistletoe

I’ll be thinking of you every minute of the day of love and cheer
And every minute of every other day of the year

I’m serious.

So cold that it pierces your body, so cold that it hurts every breath.
In fact I wouldn’t mind if you woke up to find your new man had frozen to death.
So go have a cold, cold Christmas, a blustery landscape of pain
Though I’m warm in my skin, I’m still snowed in by the blizzard that fell my brain

Only a week until New Year, that’s when I’ll make a new start
but first comes a cold, Christmas to go with your cold, cold heart.

You’re frozen, nasty heart.

What endears Mr Colbert so precipitously to this bivalve is his as yet unerring knack for poking just the right amount of fun at any medium or genre he encounters. His 2008 interviews with Yo-Yo Ma, Lorin Maazel, Alex Ross and Wynton Marsalis were showed a great deal of insight into how things work in our little corner of the world.

Frankly, anyone that helped to bring about the following exchange is a hero in Miss Mussel’s book.

Alex Ross: “…Copland was a very left wing guy who sort of flirted with communism, so that wasn’t…”
Monsieur Colbert: Flirted with communism?
AR:: Yes
MC: What are you implying?
AR: Well he didn’t go all the way. [Zing!]
MC: Just under the shirt, over the bra with communism.
AR: Only first base, yeah.

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