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Twitter Opera Plot Results

March 29th, 2009
Our European correspondent is still mulling over submissions with results expected sometime tonight. In the meantime here are all the entries from Twitter and the blog arranged by alphabetically by opera for your enjoyment. There are also a few orphans stranded at the bottom without a title.  If you know which opera it is, leave the answer in a comment.  Also, if we’ve wrongly identified your synopsis, let us know. And finally, so you don’t have to count, it’s 86 entries representing 50+ operas.  Way to go gang! Albert Herring @Mmmusing – Queen of May? Girls today! So, be daring; Crown Al Herring. He’s afraid; lemonade makes him braver. Misbehavior! Doesn’t die. Makes Mum cry. Apollo and Hyacinth @ogiovetti – Two guys fall for the same gal. One of them kills her brother with a discus. Both deny it. Who’s the lyre? Attila @funwithiago – Woman messes with Attila. Attila messes with Rome. THE POPE! Woman poisons Attila. Just kidding! She kills Attila in the forest. Billy Budd @ogiovetti – Old captain can’t save the young sailor condemned to hang. But he himself gets saved in the end from Billy’s blessing. Bluebeard’s Castle @urbanophile – Ur a psycho but I married you anyway. “Don’t ask me about my business.” Sorry, I gots to know. Ok, it’s Door #7 for you, bitch. @wordsmusic – Here’s my castle. Are you afraid? No, I’m going to open all those damn doors! Are you afraid? No, let me in! Who’s that? Oh shit. @jaimealyse – What’s behind the door? Open it. (he does.) Oh shit! No, it’s cool, I still love you. (x6) And door 7? (shows her.) Oh HELL no. Carmen @ogiovetti – The bull doesn’t win. Neither does anyone else. @otterhouse – If a cigarette doesn’t kill you, the girl who made it will… Evan – Don Jose: I hate Carmen. I love Carmen! I miss Carmen… I hate Carmen! Knife Cosi fan tutte @higgis – they’re all the same, those women. Can’t resist a good looking bloke. Not a faithful bone in their body. Everyone’s at it. @arbakr – You can’t tell those are your BFs? Seriously? Oh no! Don’t do it with the other one! Wait. Maybe you want it like this? Huh. #operaplot Daphne @ogiovetti – That mysterious herdsman? He’s really Apollo. And he’s gonna kill your daughter’s suitor and turn your kid into a tree. Death In Venice @MrMichaelGray – Ashtray [famous writer] drawn back to Serenissima & beggars, barber, underripe youth, overripe fruit, deckchair demise Dialogues of the Carmelites @renegadeoboe – Blanche becomes a nun. Aristocrats and nuns go to the guillotine. Nun survive. (Actually one nun survives.) Die Frau Ohne Schatten @arbakr – Die Frau Ohne Schatten: Pregnancy Plan: Act I: Get shadow from human lady…Act II: ????…Act III: Marital bliss! Dr Atomic @urbanophile – I dropped the atomic bomb and it went off. Wait, I feel guilty. Too late. Might as well sing pretentious poetry. Don Carlos King marries French girl. His son has hots for girl. Son becomes rebel. Heretics get burned. One eyed woman steals box with secret info in it. Son rescued by Grandpa’s possible ghost. Audience confused by ending. @higgis – he’s in love with his new mother. Affairs of state are greater than affairs of the heart. Questions will be asked. @gsandow – He loves her, but she’s forced to marry his father, the king. He sides with the rebels. Beware the grand inquisitor! Don Giovanni @allergicgirl – randy young man sleeps with lots of girls and gets his comeuppance from a statue. @ogiovetti – Ok, here’s one: Rake kills man. Man’s statue kills rake. Dido and Aeneas @urbanophile – Why not marry Aneas? Good idea. “Zeus says: dump her” Ok, will do. Psst, let’s sneak outta here. Jilted? I’ll just kill myself. Die Todt de Stadt @wordsmusic – Marie’s dead. Marietta’s alive. Paul thinks Marietta is Marie. Paul has dream. Paul doesn’t murder anyone really. Bye-bye Bruges. Elektra @s_haskins – Beaten by mother, father replaced. Father’s murder avenged? Wait, brother’s not dead! No magic rings stop him. Death to mom! Ernani Uncle and king both want girl who wants outlaw tenor who swears oath to kill himself at Uncle’s whim. Girl/tenor marry, uncle calls in oath. Faust @ogiovetti – He sells his soul. He knocks her up. He kills her brother. She kills her baby. She dies in jail. Devil of a time. Hamlet @ogiovetti – Rosencrantz and Guildenstern aren’t dead, because they’re never in this version. But at least he still kills Claudius. I Pagliaci @ogiovetti – Wife’s infidelity no laughing matter for clown. Puts on his costume and kills her. The play is over. Actors have feelings too. Il Travatore JustAnother Tenor – Azuc: Oops Wrong baby @gsandow – They’re enemies, don’t know they’re brothers. One kills the other, then, from the gypsy, finds out the truth. Horror! @otterhouse – Even at the end, nobody really knows for sure why a gipsy woman has thrown her son into the fire… King Lear @EmcArts – aged king given kingdom to two false daughters, rejects true, youngest. Fool sees all, but bastard prevails… oh… been done… L’enfant et les sortilèges @ogiovetti – Toys, furniture, and animals give little brat his comeuppance when maman’s back is turned. Save the squirrel, save the world L’Italian in Algeri @txavocado – Emasculated men. One’s a tenor. Girl w/cojones arrives & wows w/coloratura. No harem for her! High Cs. Kaimakan. Pappataci. Ciao! L’Orfeo @ogiovetti – He goes thru hell to retrieve her. They say don’t look back. He does anyway. No do-overs. La Boheme @allergicgirl – poet & seamstress meet & fall in love over a candle. she coughs, he makes it worse-they reunite for 1 more song. @ogiovetti – Seamstress pals around with bohemians in a December-May affair. Receives muff as parting gift. @hchan – A bunch of bohemians. Is that a cold hand? Cough, cough. Forsake love. Cough, cough. Regain love. Cough, cough. Dead. La Clemenza di Tito @otterhouse – In the good old days you could-> plot to kill your king, burn his office, brainwash his best friend and… nothing happens. La Fille du Régiment @ogiovetti – Tomboy raised by a regiment. In comes her aunt. No soldier boy for you! Wait, she’s her mother? Soldiers all around! La Nozze de Figaro @Mmmusing – Count wishes he Susanna had; his wife is sad, his servant mad, a mezzo plays a lusty lad. Switcheroo exposes cad, finale he admits he’s bad. La Périchole @ogiovetti – Can’t afford a marriage license or food; going to hang with the Viceroy. Wait you’re coming too? You’re an idiot. But I love you. La Sonambula @ogiovetti – She’s a slut? No! She’s a sleepwalker! La Traviata @missmussel – V>TB. Has party. Shacks up with A. G meddles . V dumps A. Has party. A freaks. V=TB, faints. A&V reunite but TB>V. Curtain. @allergicgirl – courtsean loves young playboy. dad begs: pls leave son. she does, thy fight, he leaves. she gets sick. he rtns for 1 final song. @s_haskins – She resists, but falls in love. She marries, moves to the country. Her money: spent. Her husband: fooled. She coughs. She dies. @gsandow – The only man she ever loved, and she gives him up, so she won’t dishonor his family. Cough, cough, she’s dying. Little Women @allergicgirl – sisters in New England during civil war. 1 marries; 1 dies; 1 marries nxtdr neighbor; 1 writes then marries old german guy. Madame Butterfly @ogiovetti – Naive geisha carries a tune, carries a torch, carries a child. Can’t carry on. Hari-kiris herself. Mazeppa @abkr – Older (het)man chases young girl BUT SHE’S INTO IT, er, until he executes her father and gets his a$$ handed to him by the tsar. Mignon @ogiovetti – How does a gypsy compete with an actress for a dashing lad? Set a fire and turn out to be the long-lost daughter of a count. Nabucco @ogiovetti – This is really about Italian independence, but let’s pretend it’s about Nebuchadnezzar torturing the Jews. Va pensiero. Norma @gsandow – Priestess has secret kids. Lover unfaithful. Kill kids? Kill him? Confess to the tribe. Penalty’s death. Lover joins her. Parsifal @higgis – he cut off a bollock, but that still wasn’t enough for them. Now, he wants revenge. Only the pure will survive. Pelleas et Mélisande @ionarts – Nothing happens; Mélisande dies. Peter Grimes @ionarts – Recidivist child abuser allowed by locality to kill another apprentice before forced to kill himself. Platée @jaimealyse – Being an ugly marsh nymph is rough. Let’s dance. Being an ugly marsh nymph: still rough. Rigoletto @urbanophileCurses, schmurses. Kidnap my daughter? I’ll show you, you bastard! Oh, fuck, she’s dead Satyagraha @jaimealyse – Gandhi was cool. [Bhagavad Gita.] Also, something about the gods. Salome @ogiovetti – She’s a really good dancer and a bit of an exhibitionist. Don’t lose your head. @abkr – Out of control teen uses stepdad to get back at would-be boyfriend, learns some confusing lessons about love @totimundi – Dance for me. What do you want? Off with his head! OK. She disgusts me. Kill her. Ha, ha! Susannah @Mmmusing – Susannah bathes, the Elders see, and blame her; Blitch says fervently, “Repent,” but sins against her, so he’s killed by her protective bro. Tales of Hoffman @ogiovetti – One lover’s a diva, one’s a doll, one’s dead from singing, and one’s diamond-crazed. Stick with the muse disguised as a student. Tannhauser @abkr – Sex addict musician tries to make good but can’t tolerate being a square, repents, dies, is vindicated by magic pope stick. The Flying Dutchman @ogiovetti – Any port in a storm. Tall dark and mysterious wants my daughter. She wants to save him, but can she be faithful? Splashy splashy. The Greater Good @ogiovetti – All ignore the prostitute until she can help them. She sleeps with Prussian army for safe passage. All ignore the prostitute. The Pearl Fishers @ogiovetti – Bromance cut short when 2 men fall for same priestess. Chastity broken. City on fire. Lovers escape. There goes the neighborhood. The Ring Cycle or parts thereof Danny – A def. RM; W def. A; F def. W; Hd def. Sm; BH drew Wt; Sf def. F; Sf def. M;Sf def. fire;Hg def. Sf; BH def. self; fire def. gods. @higgis – The runes are against them, the all-powerful powerless to help. Her empathy is touching, but will be her downfall. @higgis – no good can come of it, no matter how lofty the dreams. Love will conquor all, but you’ll have to wait. Hurry! Give it back! @ogiovetti – Rhinemaidens lose the ring. It passes thru a few hands. Rhinemaidens reclaim it in a ring of fire. Lots of singing in between. @funwithiago – Aryan wunderkind forges a sword. Kills a dragon. Breaks an old dude’s staff. Walks through fire like its no thing. Falls in love. Emilie S – Girls lose gold, incest, sword, Ride, fire, son is hero, fates, betrayal, stabbing, more fire, throw ring in the water, place burns anyway @urbanophile – You ruined my life. Hey, let’s drink this. We’re in love. Ecstasy! Shit, we’re busted. Ok, let’s just die together. @funwithiago – So there’s this ring of ultimate power. Awesome! Oh wait, it’s terrible and ruins everything. Sucks! Vanessa @arbakr – V waits for old lover, his son shows up, turns out to be a TOTAL DICK. Erika ends up alone instead. See what happened there? War and Peace @arbakr – Andrei loves Natasha, leaves her alone–BAD IDEA, Napoleon! Pierre finds himself, French can suck it, GO USSR! er…Russia… Wozzeck @dotdotdottweet – Poor guy – he’s a human guinea pig, boss hates him, his girlfriend’s a hooker. Finally loses it, leaves kid behind. Hopp, hopp! Orphans @otterhouse – Love is stronger than coffee. (Update from @otterhouse – Coffee Cantata: a teaser for #cantataplot) @renegadeobe – EVERYONE DIES Too Long :( lbc – King marries French girl. His son has hots for girl. Son becomes rebel. Heretics get burned. One eyed woman steals box with secret info in it. Son rescued by Grandpa’s possible ghost. Audience confused by ending. joe green – girl engaged to aristocrat. Big lug pals with girl. Napoleon causes trouble. Aristocrat buys farm due to French musket. Girl ends up with big lug. Big chorus sing Russian victory songs. joe green – Tavern girl loves outlaw. Nasty guy causes trouble. Outlaw bleeds all over the place. Girl saves outlaw from necktie party. Girl and outlaw move out of California girl loves outlaw. Bad guy wants girl. Outlaw bleeds all over the place. Girl saves outlaw from necktie party. Girl and outlaw move out of California. Gold panners sing in Italian. (La Fancuilla del West) UPDATE: Winners have been decided upon. Find out if your favourite won the prize.

On this day..

16 Comments

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  • err…. shouldn’t Ba-Ta-Clan be tales of Hoffmann?

  • and I think Lady MacBeth of Mtensk should be Sallinen’s King Lear or Reimann’s Lear. Just too funny all the same!

    @higgis – he’s in love with his new mother. Affairs of state are greater than affairs of the heart. Questions will be asked.
    Enesco’s or Stravinsky’s Oedipus?

    @dotdotdottweet – Poor guy – he’s a human guinea pig, boss hates him, his girlfriend’s a hooker. Finally loses it, leaves kid behind. Hopp, hopp!
    Gotta be Wozzeck

    @ogiovetti – Bromance cut short when 2 men fall for same priestess. Chastity broken. City on fire. Lovers escape. There goes the neighborhood.
    Pearl Fishers

  • @michael — Thanks for these! Ba-Ta-Clan was the result of a Google search involving opera, diamonds, doll, singer….whoops!

    I’ll put King Lear/MacBeth down to the fuzziness of high school memories.

  • You’ve got one of mine wrong – it’s not Oedipus Rex but Don Carlos (Carlos’s new “mother” is Elisabeth, Questions will be asked = Auto-da fé)

    This one is Parsifal (Klingsor castrated himself in order to prove his “purity” to the knights of Monsalvat. Parisal is “the pure”):

    @higgis – he cut off a bollock, but that still wasn’t enough for them. Now, he wants revenge. Only the pure will survive.

    This one is Das Rheingold:

    @higgis – no good can come of it, no matter how lofty the dreams. Love will conquor all, but you’ll have to wait. Hurry! Give it back!

  • This one is also Don Carlos:

    @gsandow – He loves her, but she’s forced to marry his father, the king. He sides with the rebels. Beware the grand inquisitor!

  • Also, you missed one of my favourites: http://twitter.com/urbanophile/status/1408228590

    (Which is Tristan)

  • @higgis – thanks for helping me give the orphans a home. Hopefully they’re all sorted now.

  • Ah, you didn’t miss the Tristan one, but attributed it to The Ring:

    @urbanophile – You ruined my life. Hey, let’s drink this. We’re in love. Ecstasy! Shit, we’re busted. Ok, let’s just die together.

  • This one was meant to be Strauss’ Elektra (remember how Clitemnestra has all of those magic rings?)

    @s_haskins – Beaten by mother, father replaced. Father’s murder avenged? Wait, brother’s not dead! No magic rings stop him. Death to mom!

  • “All ignore the prostitute until she can help them. She sleeps with Prussian army for safe passage. All ignore the prostitute.”

    That one’s The Greater Good.

    Also, I don’t think that the Lucia synopsis is really Lucia…but I can’t place which opera it’s from. Lucia is about a brother/priest, a tenor, and the soprano caught between them all.

  • @ogiovetti – All ignore the prostitute until she can help them. She sleeps with Prussian army for safe passage. All ignore the prostitute.

    This must be Stephen Hartke’s The Greater Good, or the Passion of Boule de Suif.

    http://ionarts.blogspot.com/2007/07/hartkes-greater-good.html

  • Got it–what’s filed as Lucia di Lammermoor is really Ernani.

  • Re: orphans
    @ogiovetti – All ignore the prostitute until she can help them. She sleeps with Prussian army for safe passage. All ignore the prostitute.

    I believe this is Steven Hartke’s The Greater Good.

  • Very fun! I wrote a poem once for Boheme:

    Mimi gets her bonnet back
    And still she dies
    Now what’s with that?

    ;-)

    You make me want to play around some more with this stuff.

  • Here’s one for Lady Macbeth of Mtsenk District:

    K hates Z, Z goes away. A wants book, K&A make love. B sees, K poisons B. Z returns. K&A kill Z. Drunkard reveals crime. K&A arrested @wedding. off to siberia. K pushes A in river, K jumps in herself.

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