#Operaplot 2010 Entries: D-Die Zauberflöte

A-C | D-Die Zauberflöte | Don-Fz | G-L | La | Lb-Qz | R-Tg | The | Thf-Z | Orphans

Instructions on what to do if your plot isn’t here/is in the wrong spot

Daphne (R. Strauss – )
Henri Drost – Sorry that I’ve killed your boyfriend. To make it up to you, I will turn you into a tree.

Das Rheingold (Wagner – )
Bonnie Situation – Alb. makes a ring, Loge & Wotan plan a sting. Erda: give up the bling! Fafner: Ka-ching!
Henri Drost – Lot of arguments surrounding building project. Never mind gold, it’s safer to invest in real estate.
Irene Vartanoff – I’ll build a castle in Paradise, I’m going to get there at any price; Stand aside, I’m on my way (Wotan, apologize to Gershwin)
Pattyoboes – 3 Rhine maidens like to sing; this is how we start the Ring. It won’t end for several days, with lots of death & one large blaze
Music Vs Theater – Something about three girls in a river and a dwarf stealing their gold. Ummm… never made it past the first scene.

David Karlin – The rivers of Germany are lined with gold. But if you have any sense of destiny, keep your hands off.
Maura Lafferty – 3 Rhine maids like 2 sing/ this is how we start the Ring/ Goes on for days/ Ends in a blaze/ Brunnhilde destroys with her fling
Bloody Mortimer – From depths of Rhein to heights of Valhalla a jolly lot of maidens, dwarfs and giants tell about impending end of gods…on Earth
Nicole Brockman – I’m in ur Rhine, stealin ur gold/I can haz love?/Curses: I haz one/Applz=NOM/Want MOAR gold/O hai/Impending doom: ur doin it rite

Kosmanj – From depths of Rhein to heights of Valhalla a jolly lot of maidens, dwarfs and giants tell about impending end of gods…on Earth
Jeanie O – Alberich is bold to steal the gold, but his soul has been sold. Das Rheingold’s the pre-quel, now for the sequels

David Beckham: Theatre of Dreams
By The Water’s Edge – A modern-day fairytale of heroes, villains, love, Man U and what it means to lead your country”. No need for a band wagon then.

Death In Venice (Britten – )
Christiana Cole – Cholera everywhere, especially in the fruit (wink wink). The Gods argue, but in the end, nobody can save you from yourself.
P Schleuse – Aschenbach goes to Venice to revive his pen, but discovers he prefers poles. Finally, he buys a strawberry and bites it
Prima la musica – Old? Tired? Inspiration fading? Book a Venetian Getaway today! Hotel/transport/barber included. Allegorical references extra
Imani Moseleyfrom the Piazza San Marco to Lido there’s enough malaria and cute Polish boys to go around! book your tickets now, one way only.

Der Bettelstudent
Otterhouse – Fan-revenge; Symon Sings: “Miss Shoulderkiss”! Symon Sings: “Penniless”! Symon is rewarded with a mother-in-law.

Der Freischutz (Weber – )
Maura Lafferty – Max enters competition to win love. Kaspar has help from below, not above. Bullet flies, someone dies. Karma fits like a glove.

Der Ferne Klang (Schreker – )
lattavanti – What’s that sound? Gypsies? Gondolas? My girlfriend screaming? No, not that. Oh right, it’s the end of my opera. *dies*

Der Rosenkavalier (R. Strauss – )
Thos Carpenter – A wistful cougar’s boy-toy goes on a reality tv show and finds love at the rose ceremony. Too bad her cousin didn’t tip the help
Devon Cestes – Cougar on the prowl, her cousin shows up. Random Italian Tenor. A silver rose later, prey finds a girl his own age. Time flies.
Karl Steel – At 30ish, I’m too old for you, kiddo; go ahead, have my blessing: dodge the greedy fat guy & marry the nubile youngster
N Brockmann – Like The Bachelor, but w/silver rose & girl-on-girl-on-girl action. Cougar: hot, lecher: not. 15 glorious minutes, otherwise dull
Alejoplay – MILF tells her effeminate lover to play with someone his own age.

Amndw2 – Time goes so slowly when you’re bored, and so fast when your young lover meets someone else. Today or tomorrow or the next day…
P Shleuse – A woman past the prime of life can be a paramour, not wife. Octavian finds another trophy: xf the Marschallin for Sophie
Frindley – The horns orgasm and it’s all downhill from there in the face of young love. Who’s it by? Mozart: you can tell from the costumes
Eighth Blackbird – Girl loves girl (I mean boy!). She (he!) falls for another girl. Hilarity ensues. Girls sing a pretty trio about love. The end.

Dido & Aeneas (Purcell -)
Ensemble Klang – Dido <3 Aeneas, but he’s tricked to leave to Italy, Dido Die Fledermaus
Classical Music Review – A queen falls. A witch plots. A prince bails. A queen falls.
Sublime Louise – She anguishes, he languishes, plots are laid, trails are blazed. Coming or going he barely decides then cupids scatter petals
MMmusing – O, Dido! (He’s Aeneas, eh?) O, Dido!
P Schleuse – If a Trojan prince comes courting, take him hunting if you’re sporting. But beware of evil mirth, or you’ll end up laid in earth

Vankan0 – Trojan refugee lands in Carthago. Queen falls in love with him, but he has more urgent matters to take care of. Incredible.
Dumble Dad – @belinda Remember me but oh do not archive my tweets.
Chicken Feet 2003 – I do. Me too. I must sail. I’ll bewail. I’ll stay. No, go away. I’m fated. I’m post-dated.

Die Aegyptische Helena (R. Strauss -)
Irene Vartanoff = I didn’t mean it with Paris. Have some potion, dear.
Bloody Mortimer – an Omniscient Mussel flexes afore various hexes & vexes, with potions and commotions, & deities of the oceans
Chicken Feet 2003 – There’s a mollusc and a sorceress potional. The rest of the plot is notional
Frindley – ß-blocking lotus potion turns tortuous plot (with only @missmussel as company) into “splendidly vacuous” Poseidon adventure.
Frindley – The mussel is omniscient, but sad to say I isn’t, for the plot is uber-Byzant/ine, but in the end Helena’s won–and one

EG Meijer – I love you. I hate you. I kill you. Who are you? I love you. I hate you. I remember you! I love & hate you. Let’s stick together.
Kosmaj – M about to kill his infidel wife H, but after a few magic drinks they happily sail home. Moral: get booze b4 arguing with Ur wife
Lattavanti – Don’t worry, Hermione, when you’re older you’ll understand. Here, take this lotus potion, you’re looking a bit peaked.

Die Fledermaus (J.Strauss – )
Irene Vartanoff – Purloined garments cause confusion and confounding during major all-night blowout. Evidence: One ball gown. One dressing gown.
By The Water’s Edge – Comedy of errors at Vienna ball with a husband & his wandering eye, his wife, his wife’s ex, a maid, and masked others. Hic! Hic!
Bonnie Situation – OK, see ya in jail later. Sure, I’ll have some vodka (do I have a choice?) Hey, I know that dress! Where’s my watch? Na zdrovje!
Mindy Inhofer – Oh goodness me, a party scene. We’ll drink until we’re dizzy. “Blame champagne, but don’t blame me!” Oh goodness, gracious me.

Die Frauen Ohne Schatten (R.Strauss – )
Paul JZ – Shadow chasing ensues, proving Her Heart Belongs (nicht) To Daddy, but to hubby. Next up: “Empress & Kaiser Plus 8” or Octomom?
Arbakr – Pregnancy Plan: Act I: Get shadow from human lady…Act II: ????…Act III: Marital bliss!
Paul JZ – “Kaiser & Kaiserin Plus 8″
Paul JZ – The Empress needs what the mortal woman has, decides she doesn’t want it badly enough, but gets it anyway. Typical daddy’s girl!

Die Gezeichtneten
Henri Drost – I know I’m not much to look at, but come to my island and we’ll have a party you won’t forget

Die Königskinder
In The Theatre – Swineherd prince falls for jailed goose girl.Expelled from city unrecognized – not chic enough- they die: snowstorm+poisoned loaf

Die Lustige Witwe (Lehar – )
Olivia Giovetti – Girl meets boy. Girl loses boy. Girl marries rich. Girl becomes widow (and rich). Girl and boy reunite. Everybody waltzes.
Frindley – Pretty respectable widow & proud former flame waltz around the matter of money in the shadow of the Pontevedrian economic crisis.

Die Meistersingers (Wagner – )
King Ouf I – C’mon lad – don’t despair – just enter ‘Nuremberg Idol’ and you’ll get the girl!
Meister Mole – “Nürnberg’s Got Talent”
EG Meijer – Popular girl prize in historic prequel of “Deutschland sucht den Superstar”.
N Brockman – Guild newbie wins Nuremburg Idol! Sachs:”You made it your own, dawg.” Song choice, fab shoes vital to bagging both contest & lady
Vankan0 – All those guys go to Nuremberg to a singing contest. Do you think American Idols was an original idea? Think again!

Henri Drost – This many fouls in one game and he still wins the contest. If that ref wasn’t biased, I’ll eat my shoes!
Maura Lafferty – Walther writes a love song, the Masters say it’s all wrong. Because he’s in love, he gets help from above. Everyone sings along!

Die Tot Stadt (Korngold – )
Pattyoboe – A ghostly resemblance & a hairy strangulation. Whew! Murder is all illusion. That does it, I’m gonna escape this dead city.
Devon Cestes – Reclusive tenor in dead town thinks a hipster is his wife. Clown sings great aria. Other stuff happens. Audience leaves confused.
Sam Neuman – The dating scene in this city is so dead that “You look exactly like my dead wife” isn’t an instant dealbreaker
Jessica Duchen – Bruges is dead. So is Marie. Oh dear, and so is Marietta. Or am I dreaming? Better skip town…

Die Walküre (Wagner – )
Bonnie Situation – Our love ain’t QUITE fraternal, and its effect is quite eternal. Wotan’s actions: quite infernal; indeed, NOT quite paternal!
Irene Vartanoff – Hojotoho! Heiaha. Repeat. Now sleep in the fire for X years, then take a last ride.
Henri Drost – Who put a sword in this tree and why does she look so familiar? Domestic quarrel. Some violence. Daddy’s angry
Nicole Brockman – Boy+girl=lovers *&* longlost siblings-like no one saw THAT coming. Valkyrie saves girl, is fired. Boy dies; wabbit’s fate unknown

Mormolyke – Wait, you’re my sister? Sweet, let’s get married! Oh, and I found this awesome sword! What could possibly go wrong?
Fab4FaveFan – God + human create twins. Grown twins meet, greet, procreate. Boy dies. Handmaiden saves Girl. Fired by God.
Fab4FaveFan – Gott + Mensch zu schaffen Zwillinge; zu treffen, grüßen, fortpflanzen. Junge stirbt. Brun spart Girl. Fired von Gott.
Fab4FaveFan – God + human create twins. Grown twins meet, greet, procreate. Boy dies. Handmaiden saves Girl. Fired by God.
Jeanieo – The Walsung twins proved incest is best. Hojotojo sing the Valkyrie warriors. As Twain would say, this ain’t no Tom Sawyer.

Arbakr – Wotan and the the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.
Sam Neuman – Wotan’s wife doesn’t think his kids should date each other, so he arranges for his other daughter to marry his grandson. #godfail
Irene Vartanoff – Hojotoho! Heiaha. Repeat. Now sleep in the fire for X years, then take a last ride.
Fab4fanfave – God + human create twins. Grown twins meet, greet, procreate. Boy dies. Handmaiden saves Girl. Fired by God.
Die Zauberflöte (Mozart – )
MMmusing – Pamina! I just saw a pic of Pamina. Her mom’s a crazy dame & sent it in a frame to me. Pamina! I just dissed a girl named Pamina.
Jessica Duchen – Magic of music guides truth-seeking prince, mixed-up princess & their feathered friends out of the ashram & into the fire
MMmusing – In a world where men r birds & queens pierce the nite,1 man will brave it all 4 love & enlightenment. From the Masons who suck @ #operaplot
William Stafford – Queen with grudge doles out magical musical instruments to get her daughter back then it all goes silly and Masony
Classical Review – If you say you understand it, they’ll send round the men in white coats. Or the men in aprons – it all depends on the signs

Music Biz Kid – This one’s all bells & whistles: Love’s for the birds. (& the Italians) Thank Isis (or is it Osiris?) for a sympathetic priest.
Monster Tweetz – OOO! SO…Dere’s dis prince and bird guy! I think. Dey go round with a flute…uh… me forget da rest. End happy, though.
R Lowen BVT – Tamino & Pamina Have a magic ocarina & Pass thru the ordeal With the aid of glockenspiel Silly little story? It’s all an allegory
Mandy Inhofer – Be honest: you only came to hear the Queen.
Jennifer Stumm – Deedledeedledee/SSSssss/Hm!Hm!Hm!Hm!/doremifasol (2x fast)/ Ah,ah ah ah Squeak ah ah ah/ OH NO!/ PaPaPaPaPaPaPa/ Kuss Kuss

MPRMike – Zzzz… Oh, look! The funny bird man is back! Oh, there he goes. Zzzzzz..

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30 comments

  1. Sam

    Two of mine ended up in the wrong categories of this (remarkable!) list:

    Sam Neuman – You know on Glee when they did a mashup of The Thong Song and I Could Have Danced All Night? It’s that, but highbrow and German. <–I meant for this to be Ariadne auf Naxos (blend of high and low music? Anyone?)

    Sam Neuman – Yeah, bros, I could totally have hooked up with all these crazy-hot women, but this bass-baritone kept cockblocking me <–This was Tales of Hoffmann (filed under Don Giovanni, who was truly uncockblockable)

    • Miss Mussel
      Author

      Ok just sit tight if you can. It may be in the orphans or misplaced somewhere. I’ll give notice on Twitter when the final batch of plots are up. If you don’t see it then, let me know.

  2. This is under Dido and Aeneas but I think it might be wrong!

    Bonnie Situation – OK, see ya in jail later. Sure, I’ll have some vodka (do I have a choice?) Hey, I know that dress! Where’s my watch? Na zdrovje!

  3. bloodymortimer

    incidentally my egyptian helen from a few days ago is currently unlisted . thought i raise this now theres prize involved ; ) .

  4. I think this one should be Saint François d’Assise (Messiaen):

    P Schleuse – So I kissed a leper—should I be stigmatized for that? This is for the birds…

  5. Irene Vartanoff

    Irene Vartanoff – Trojan refugee lands in Carthago. Queen falls in love with him, but he has more urgent matters to take care of. Incredible.

    Sorry, not mine, but it’s a good one.

  6. NBrockmann

    Hey there — this one of mine:

    Windsor meets Wisteria Lane: desperate housewives foil greedy himbo. He’s beaten by fairies (?!); hilarity ensues, also “I do’s”

    which is under Die Frau ohne Schatten, is actually Falstaff. Although an #operamash of these two might be interesting…

  7. Die Aegyptische Helena
    This operaplot is wrongly attributed to @frindley:
    The mussel is omniscient, but sad to say I isn’t, for the plot is uber-Byzant/ine, but in the end Helena’s won–and one
    (Sorry, don’t know who did actually write it.)

  8. pschleuse

    Yes, my “So I kissed a leper…” is Saint Francois d’Assise, not Walküre. Is there a leper in Walküre?

  9. Sam

    I have a lost Die Walkure –

    Wotan’s wife doesn’t think his kids should date each other, so he arranges for his other daughter to marry his grandson. #godfail #operaplot

    This was so much fun!

  10. Fab4favefan’s “Simon Boccanegra” is inexplicably filed under Rheingold. Maedchen and their Papas are in Italian operas too! :)

  11. Jos van Kan

    Trojan refugee etc (Dido & Aeneas) attributed to Irene Vartanoff, but actually is mine (vankan0). Well, maybe she submitted an identical abstract, in that case I suggest the first submission gets the credit. :-)

    Thanks for organizing this hilarious contest.
    Regards, Jos

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