#Operaplot 2010 Entries: G-L

A-C | D-Die Zauberflöte | Don-Fz | G-L | La | Lb-Qz | R-Tg | The | Thf-Z | Orphans

Instructions on what to do if your plot isn’t here/is in the wrong spot

Ghosts of Versailles (Glass – )
Devon Cestes – The dead French court is bored. Everyone hates Figaro. Baudelaire’s in love and travels through time. Modern opera rocks.
Kpappag – beheaded ghosts, Turkish dancers, and 18th century Spaniards. Maybe the Met just wanted to clean out its prop room.

Gianni Schicchi (Puccini – )
Hat Stand Opera – Firenze: Friars 1, Donati family 0. O mio babbino caro, faking it, but making it real. Results shock: Schicchi 1000, Donati 0
Pattyoboe – It’s all relatives except the biggest winner, Gianni
MMMusing – Dante writes that Gianni Schicchi robs a clan by being sneaky. He wills himself a big estate; his daughter’s song is also great.

Giulio Cesare (Handel – )
Chicken Feet 2003 – Cutie on carpet gets asp bitten
SDF Girl – murder, then madness/thanks for meddling big bro’/now everybody’s dead/et tu, Enrico?
Frindley – See the conquering hero comes (wrong #operaplot) while she bathes in ass’s milk. Revenge & plotting saves her throne but the bath gets cold.
Bloody Mortimer – Pompey gets pounded. Tolomeo gets shafted. & Cleopatra gets her man, Although he’s probably a woman. In trousers

Gloriana
Imani Moseley – Elizabethan queen/though we’re sharing the same dream/while our hearts still beat as one/no courtly love (or dances) on the run
Richard Bratby – Good queen Bess turns bad. Where are the Yeomen when you need them? Playing Robin Hood, that’s where. All together: Hey, nonny!

Gotterdammerung (Wagner – )
Bonnie Situaton – U keep the ring, I got the horse. My bromance w/ Gibich starts in due course. We;re sure 2C fireworks; we are, after all, Norse.
Bonnie Situation – You go, Grane.
Henri Drost – Hunting accident brings down whole world and makes river overflow. One survivor.
Jeanie O – Farewell Siegfried, the Norns were right. Gods with all their might can’t stop Twilight. Valhalla’s ablaze now-Apocalypse WOW!
Jezetha – Dwarf robs. God mugs. Dragon gets. Hero slays. Wifey keeps. Husband wrests. Killed. Wifey returns ring. Circle and cycle closed..

Guillaume Tell
EG Meijer – The apple didn’t make it

Habameajaja
By The Water’s Edge – Eskimo falls in love with voice of Brigitta-Melitta, travels to Berlin & is mistaken for the PM. Singer and PM go to North Pole

Hamlet (Thomas – )
Chicken Feet 2003 – Dad’s dead. Mum’s a whore. Uncle’s worse. Girlfriend’s mad. No wonder I talk to myself
Danny Liss – Ophelia goes crazy. I think the king and the prince also die, but who can be bothered with that? Ophelia is going crazy!
Audience Dev Spec – Princely woes:Uncle kills daddy,marries mommy.2beornot2be-acts4confession.No concession.Girl suicides.Ghost avenged.Dead in end.

Hansel and Gretel (Humperdink – )
By The Water’s Edge – Siblings discover house of sweets & cake in forest owned by child-devouring witch. Quick trick, gas mark 6, and both lived…
MMmusing – Mom cries over spilt milk, sends kids into the woods. They pray for safety, but where are those 14 angels when the witch shows up?
MMmusing – In2 the woods we hav 2 go/Our ma is really mad u know/Somebody call 2 DSS & get us an attorney/In2 the woods 2 GINGERbread house!
Busy Needles – “Gingerbread is tempting, but children are tastier” – last words of witch who comes to sticky end as siblings escape.
Bloody Mortimer – virgin birth sees herod runs a muck. beaded flattop dwarf brings projector

Audience Dev Spec – Princely woes:Uncle kills daddy,marries mommy.2beornot2be-acts4confession.No concession.Girl suicides.Ghost avenged.Dead in end.
Nicole Brockmann – Starving latchkey kids thrown out by abusive mom; in woods, they get into witchcraft, cannibalism, murder. Perfect for children!
WMFTweetie – Siblings playing in the forest meet a “nice” lady in a delicious house. Uh oh, turns out she’s a hungry witch who likes kids!

Hugh The Drover (Vaughan Williams -)
Ralph Graves – Drifter wins girl from abusive boyfriend in prizefight. Accused of espionage, but the tables are turned when the army arrives

I Masnadieri
In the Theatre – Evil Count’s son wants power & girl: forbids his bro to return home & locks dad up.Bro turned bandit wins & then…kills girl!WTF???

I Pagliacci
Gerrit Theule Bad things happen when clowns get sad.
E Wurzbach – Actors have feelings too! You clown, but there is no makeup. It is shame on my face. Your parts are cut. The play is over.
Liszt Nut – Community theatre on tour hits new low when the leading lady gets frisky and the clown goes from sadass to badass.
Megoceleste – Signori e signore. A ventitré ore. Seriously. You’re gonna want to see this.
Olivia Giovetti – Wife’s infidelity no laughing matter for clown. Puts on his costume and kills her. The play is over. Actors have feelings too.

N Brockmann – Ripped from the headlines: sad clown loses it; stabs wife+her lover for real, not pretend. Hey-wasn’t this a Law & Order episode?
Pattyoboe – His painted on smile does nothing but chill her and his clownin’ around will be a real killer.
Oliver JMC – Canio acts.

I Puritani
Alejoplay – You took my veil and put it on some other girl. Suddenly off my meds when they’re about to kill you. Thank God 4 Cromwell.

Il Console
Music Vs Theater – Magda:”Baby’s sick, Grandma’s sick, Dad’s missing. HELP!” State:”Take two forms and call back in the AM” Single Payer:The Opera?

Il Ritorno d’Ulisse In Patria
Lattavanti – After decades away, man returns home to free faithful wife from contrapuntal suitors, burden of singing only in recitative.

Il Tabarro
Sam Neumann – Mr. & Mrs. Bargedweller are coping with their loss…but little do they know that a heavy-handed cloak metaphor is overtaking them!
Prima la musica – Boatsman’s neglected wife takes up with burly stevedore. Brief, bloody tale of jealousy, regret & in Seine passion.

Il Trovatore
Irene Vartanoff – So, Mom threw the wrong baby in the fire, and then…it’s complicated.
Dramamezzo – Trust me kill that man. Fry devil baby, Oops wrong one. No dummy dont do that, didnt work last time. HA you killed your brother.
Devon Cestes – I love Leonora.’ ‘No, I love Leonora.’ ‘Ok, you win, I’ll steal your gypsy (not) mom.’ ‘Wait, you’re brothers!’ Everybody dies.
Karl Steel – oops! burned up the wrong baby! Apparently I kept the one that sings
BachTrack – Executed Traitor was Baby Swap Victim, Confesses Gypsy Mum!

Pattyoboe – She threw the wrong baby into the fire, now the gypsy’s only desire is avenging her mom, & then she’ll retire.
Shevinka – Gypsies & fire; brothers & ire; all for Leonora, but ends with orrore.
R Lowen BVT – Count. Singer. Leonora. Gypsy. Baby. Fire. Anvil. Convent. Escape! Wedding. Not. Poison. Execution. He was your brother! Curtain.
Chicken Feet 2003 – Witch son was that?

Il Trittico
Paul JZ – 1) Death by strangulation on a barge on the Seine in Paris, 2) by poison in a convent near Siena, 3) and by old age in Florence
Christiana Cole – 1: Hey wifey, dance? HAHA tricked you! (dead boyfriend rolls out) 2: OMG babies (dies) 3: Everybody Loves Donkey.

Il Turco In Italia
David Karlin – Selim the Turk in Italy says local girls are easy. But in the end, Turkish ones are more persistent.
Mandy Inhofer – The cow as white as milk, the cape as red as blood, the plot as convoluted as a kaleidoscope, and Bernadette Peters

Idomeneo (Mozart – )
Opus Affair – Star-crossed boy & girl. Dad owes Neptune sacrifice. Whoops, it’s son. Monster attacks. Spoiler alert: happy ending.
Amndw2 – King: I didn’t drown! I’ll sacrifice…my son?! NO! Neptune: RELEASE THE KRAKEN! No, wait, changed my mind. [Wedding. Curtain.]

Into The Woods
By The Water’s Edge – Cinderella, Rapunzel, Jack+Beanstalk, Little Red Ridinghood, the Baker & his Wife all have tasks, but must stick together.

Iolantha (Tchaikovsky – )
Henri Drost – Whatever you do, don’t tell her she’s blind! Enter knight and Arab doctor. I can see! I can see!
Devon Cestes – HOLD ON, I’m blind and none of you thought that was pertinent information to tell me! Well, I guess I should have figured it out

Iphigénie en Aulide (Gluck – )
Nicole Brockmann/a> – Diana orders king to sacrifice daughter; her lover tries+fails 2 save her; at last moment goddess relents. What a piece of Gluck!

Iphigénie en Tauride (Gluck – )
Brian Imm Laywer – Dad axed her to win war, but the Gods secretly saved her. Brother and his boyfriend almost get knifed finding her 20 years later.
Oliver JMC – “Hey- Let’s kill mom and step dad!” “Chill out, freak.” “Yay! Orestes will do it!” Obligatory/spontaneous death of leading lady.

Jenufa (Janacek – )
Paul JZ – “Ice Ice Baby”
Paul JZ – “It Takes a Village to Raze a Child”
Paul JZ – “It Takes a Village (To Ice a Child)”
R Lowen BVT – Shame. Disfigurement. Illegitimate birth. Insanity. Infanticide. Scandal. Prison. Happy ending!
Jennifer Strumm – It would have ended better if ya knew not to leave Granny with the baby

Jerry Springer The Opera
Amndw2 – Today on Jerry Springer: …wait a minute, someone wrote an opera about Jerry Springer? What the [bleep]?
Paul JZ – (Inappropriate for Children) “Je-rry! Je-rry!” A chick with a *BLEEP*. Commercial break. Satan/Jesus fued *BLEEP*! Final Thought.

Judith (Serva – )
Prima la Musica – Hey Jude, don’t be afraid/You were made to go out & get him/The minute you get into his tent/You know you’re meant/To kill him.

Katya Kabanova
Madison Opera – My mother-in-law is cruel / my husband’s a tool. But Boris is dreamy / maybe he’ll save me. Or not. Boom, crash, splash.
Dumble Dad – My husband is cold and away. My mother-in-law is a dragon. Would it be vulgar to snog a friend? It was so I’ll drown in the Volga
BachTrack – My husband’s a wimp, I have the mother-in-law from hell and my lover makes me feel guilty. There’s only one way out.
Prima la musica – Mother-in-law from hell drives son’s frustrated young wife into the arms of another, into madness, and into the Volga

Khovanschina
lattavanti – Once was a man called Khovansky/In the last op of Musorgsky/Pete cleans up his mess/We must confess/Real cleaner-up was Rimsky

King Roger
Lattavanti – Creepy shepherd forms cult, convinces king to embrace Nietzsche waaaaaay before it was cool.

L’amore de tre Re
Devon Cestes – A blind king kills his cheating daughter in law to catch her lover. Poisoned lips, forgiveness, everybody dies but the grumpy Re

L’amour de loin
Josh Is Anonymous – Jaufre finds love online, friends think it’s a dude or a fat chick, meets her anyway, dies from panic when he finds it’s a lady
Nahokomusic – Fed up with horrible mother-in-law and useless husband, woman has an affair, but racked by guilt throws herself into the Volga
WMFTweetie – Poet prince of Blaye sings about lover in far-off Tripoli. Can it work? Is it real? He sails to her, but dies in her arms

L’Elisir d’amore
Dr Geoduck – How does a nobody get the girl he loves? Dulcamara’s solution: replace your whine with wine.
Classical Review – Notion. ‘Potion’. Commotion. Emotion. Devotion.
Henri Drost – Feeling bad? Want succes with women? Try this. Holy crap, it works. I’m a genius.
Irene Vartanoff – Sure, I’m the village buffoon, but I love you. Why involve a balloonist, the army, an inheritance, and all the village maidens?
Pattyoboe – I love her, she loves me not. What’s he have that I ain’t got? Mmmmm, elixir hits the spot! (I even rhymed with #operaplot !)

MMmusing – Adina! I’ll soon get a girl named Adina/Altho she says I’m lame/Elixir fixed the game for me/Adina! She just misted una furtiva!
MMusing – Don’t cry for me my Adina. The truth is I never left you all thru your sarge phase. I’m a persister; even enlisted to buy elixir.
NBrockmann – Adina’s in love w/Belcore,/And can think of no other signore./Dulcamara gives vino/To poor Nemorino/And calls it Elisir d’Amore.
Shevinka – Gets drunk, makes a fool of himself, joins the army, scores the girl… is Nemorino in an opera or on an English stag???!!
Mandy Inhofer – Whiny boy wants vapid girl. Drinks some potion, goes on a whirl. They discover N is rich. “Now I want you!” Stupid bitch.

Vankan0 – Guy wants to win girl. Fair enough. HE drinks a love potion so SHE will fall for that. Stupid no? Inherits fortune, all happy.
Oliver JMC – How to get the girl: Step 1: get really drunk around her. Step 2: sing a song about your tears. Step 3: inherit a lot of money.

L’enfant et les sortileges
Thos Carpenter -Toys, homework, flora and fauna turn the tables on a rude brat, until the squirrel gets hurt, and everyone decides to get along.
Audience Dev Spec – Naughty boy hurts his toys, household things, annoyed animals sing, a lesson taught, conscience fraught, a good boy end brings.
Busy Needles – Teach your tot to behave with magic talking tea set. (Batteries not included.)
P Scleuse – It’s “Where the Wild Things Are,” but with furniture and toys instead of monsters. And in French.
In The Theatre – Terrifying story. Hyper boy and the revenge of IKEA, a break-up, an arithmetic migraine and the fury of nature. Mom!!!

Richard Bratby – Stab a squirrel: anger a teapot. MUMMY!!!
Music Biz Kid – Rotten kid himself in PeeWee’s Bizarro Playhouse. Squirrel comes up gimpy in a brawl, & all’s forgiven.No place like home?
Kelly Pappageorge – A bad boy with ADHD destroyed all of his property but the items got mad and tortured the lad so next time he won’t be bratty

L’Heure d’Espagnol
Mistral Quartet – A lusty señorita, a man with a mule and a whole lot of clocks. Oh temptation!
Frindley – Weekly winding ritual & manifold, mixed-up indiscretions behind the counter prove good for clock business in Toledo. Cuck-old!
Music Biz Kid – “Honey, is it me or did that clock just sneeze? That one, too? Wait, why are there 3 clocks in our bedroom? Oh COME ON!!”
Music Biz Kid -Tonight@11: The heartbreaking tale of a local man whose world was turned upside-down by a Trojan clock. His wife: “Time had come”
Hair Man WNO – Top totty tic-tocking wife tires of poetry and power and falls for a muscular bower

L’Incoronazione di Poppea
Sandra Mogensen – To hell with virtue and fortune, Love Conquers All (even perfidy & treachery). That’s Amore, And They Called it Poppy Love.
P Schleuse – Emperor dumps wife, kills advisor, marries floozy. Love conquers all? No wonder that final duet has a lament bass!
lattavanti – Married girl in search of a good time accidentally causes moral collapse of Rome, influx of campy tenor nurses.

L’Orfeo (Monteverdi – )
Wende Persons -From Bill: 1st – green mtns – girl weds boy sings girl dies boy sings girl revived boy..LOOK! girl dies boy sings girl…no Glück

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20 comments

  1. bythewatersedge

    The “…” at the end of my Hansel & Gretel very important OM. Stands for “Happily Ever After”. ;)

    P.S. name so good they named me twice…?

  2. Hats And Opera – Firenze: Friars 1, Donati family 0. O mio babbino caro, faking it, but making it real. Results shock: Schicchi 1000, Donati 0

    The company name is @HatstandOpera; hatstand, as in a piece of furniture you hang a hat on. Unless you type it all in, you won’t find us!

  3. Not sure if my email made it through – here’s my entry that went walkabout on Twitter – “Top totty tic-tocking wife tires of poetry and power and falls for a muscular bower” [L’Heure d’Espagnole] and before I forget my Twitter handle is HairManWNO. Thank you :)

  4. James (@musicbizkid)

    Sorry, Miss M—was posting from my iPhone and didn’t give all info. My L’enfant et les sortilèges entry is missing:

    #operaplot Rotten kid finds himself in PeeWee’s Bizarro Playhouse. Squirrel comes up gimpy in a brawl, & all’s forgiven. No place like home?

  5. Jennifer Stumm

    “It would have ended better if ya knew better than to leave Granny with the baby”

    Should be Jenufa, not Travatore.

  6. David Coronel

    Couple of opera name typos – Il TrOvatore, and IolantA (IolantHE being G&S and a QUITE different plot!)

  7. Mandy

    I submitted one for Into the Woods, but it was just labeled “Into Woods,” which may have caused it to be overlooked.

    The original was:

    mandyinhofer – Into Woods: The cow as white as milk, the cape as red as blood, the plot as convoluted as a kaleidoscope, and Bernadette Peters. #operaplot

  8. Oliver

    Again, perhaps too late, but

    Oliver JMC – “Hey- Let’s kill mom and step dad!” “Chill out, freak.” “Yay! Orestes will do it!” Obligatory/spontaneous death of leading lady.

    was intended for Elektra.

  9. Richard Bratby

    Hi – just noticed; my tweet that’s down under “Gloriana” was supposed to be “Merrie England” (Edward German)…I’m not much good at this, am I?

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