The Omniscient Mussel

#Operaplot 2010 Entries: G-L

A-C | D-Die Zauberflöte | Don-Fz | G-L | La | Lb-Qz | R-Tg | The | Thf-Z | Orphans

Instructions on what to do if your plot isn’t here/is in the wrong spot

Ghosts of Versailles (Glass – )
Devon Cestes – The dead French court is bored. Everyone hates Figaro. Baudelaire’s in love and travels through time. Modern opera rocks.
Kpappag – beheaded ghosts, Turkish dancers, and 18th century Spaniards. Maybe the Met just wanted to clean out its prop room.

Gianni Schicchi (Puccini – )
Hat Stand Opera – Firenze: Friars 1, Donati family 0. O mio babbino caro, faking it, but making it real. Results shock: Schicchi 1000, Donati 0
Pattyoboe – It’s all relatives except the biggest winner, Gianni
MMMusing – Dante writes that Gianni Schicchi robs a clan by being sneaky. He wills himself a big estate; his daughter’s song is also great.

Giulio Cesare (Handel – )
Chicken Feet 2003 – Cutie on carpet gets asp bitten
SDF Girl – murder, then madness/thanks for meddling big bro’/now everybody’s dead/et tu, Enrico?
Frindley – See the conquering hero comes (wrong #operaplot) while she bathes in ass’s milk. Revenge & plotting saves her throne but the bath gets cold.
Bloody Mortimer – Pompey gets pounded. Tolomeo gets shafted. & Cleopatra gets her man, Although he’s probably a woman. In trousers

Gloriana
Imani Moseley – Elizabethan queen/though we’re sharing the same dream/while our hearts still beat as one/no courtly love (or dances) on the run
Richard Bratby – Good queen Bess turns bad. Where are the Yeomen when you need them? Playing Robin Hood, that’s where. All together: Hey, nonny!

Gotterdammerung (Wagner – )
Bonnie Situaton – U keep the ring, I got the horse. My bromance w/ Gibich starts in due course. We;re sure 2C fireworks; we are, after all, Norse.
Bonnie Situation – You go, Grane.
Henri Drost – Hunting accident brings down whole world and makes river overflow. One survivor.
Jeanie O – Farewell Siegfried, the Norns were right. Gods with all their might can’t stop Twilight. Valhalla’s ablaze now-Apocalypse WOW!
Jezetha – Dwarf robs. God mugs. Dragon gets. Hero slays. Wifey keeps. Husband wrests. Killed. Wifey returns ring. Circle and cycle closed..

Guillaume Tell
EG Meijer - The apple didn’t make it

Habameajaja
By The Water’s Edge – Eskimo falls in love with voice of Brigitta-Melitta, travels to Berlin & is mistaken for the PM. Singer and PM go to North Pole

Hamlet (Thomas – )
Chicken Feet 2003 – Dad’s dead. Mum’s a whore. Uncle’s worse. Girlfriend’s mad. No wonder I talk to myself
Danny Liss – Ophelia goes crazy. I think the king and the prince also die, but who can be bothered with that? Ophelia is going crazy!
Audience Dev Spec – Princely woes:Uncle kills daddy,marries mommy.2beornot2be-acts4confession.No concession.Girl suicides.Ghost avenged.Dead in end.

Hansel and Gretel (Humperdink – )
By The Water’s Edge – Siblings discover house of sweets & cake in forest owned by child-devouring witch. Quick trick, gas mark 6, and both lived…
MMmusing – Mom cries over spilt milk, sends kids into the woods. They pray for safety, but where are those 14 angels when the witch shows up?
MMmusing – In2 the woods we hav 2 go/Our ma is really mad u know/Somebody call 2 DSS & get us an attorney/In2 the woods 2 GINGERbread house!
Busy Needles – “Gingerbread is tempting, but children are tastier” – last words of witch who comes to sticky end as siblings escape.
Bloody Mortimer – virgin birth sees herod runs a muck. beaded flattop dwarf brings projector

Audience Dev Spec – Princely woes:Uncle kills daddy,marries mommy.2beornot2be-acts4confession.No concession.Girl suicides.Ghost avenged.Dead in end.
Nicole Brockmann – Starving latchkey kids thrown out by abusive mom; in woods, they get into witchcraft, cannibalism, murder. Perfect for children!
WMFTweetie – Siblings playing in the forest meet a “nice” lady in a delicious house. Uh oh, turns out she’s a hungry witch who likes kids!

Hugh The Drover (Vaughan Williams -)
Ralph Graves – Drifter wins girl from abusive boyfriend in prizefight. Accused of espionage, but the tables are turned when the army arrives

I Masnadieri
In the Theatre – Evil Count’s son wants power & girl: forbids his bro to return home & locks dad up.Bro turned bandit wins & then…kills girl!WTF???

I Pagliacci
Gerrit Theule Bad things happen when clowns get sad.
E Wurzbach – Actors have feelings too! You clown, but there is no makeup. It is shame on my face. Your parts are cut. The play is over.
Liszt Nut – Community theatre on tour hits new low when the leading lady gets frisky and the clown goes from sadass to badass.
Megoceleste – Signori e signore. A ventitré ore. Seriously. You’re gonna want to see this.
Olivia Giovetti – Wife’s infidelity no laughing matter for clown. Puts on his costume and kills her. The play is over. Actors have feelings too.

N Brockmann – Ripped from the headlines: sad clown loses it; stabs wife+her lover for real, not pretend. Hey-wasn’t this a Law & Order episode?
Pattyoboe – His painted on smile does nothing but chill her and his clownin’ around will be a real killer.
Oliver JMC – Canio acts.

I Puritani
Alejoplay – You took my veil and put it on some other girl. Suddenly off my meds when they’re about to kill you. Thank God 4 Cromwell.

Il Console
Music Vs Theater – Magda:”Baby’s sick, Grandma’s sick, Dad’s missing. HELP!” State:”Take two forms and call back in the AM” Single Payer:The Opera?

Il Ritorno d’Ulisse In Patria
Lattavanti – After decades away, man returns home to free faithful wife from contrapuntal suitors, burden of singing only in recitative.

Il Tabarro
Sam Neumann – Mr. & Mrs. Bargedweller are coping with their loss…but little do they know that a heavy-handed cloak metaphor is overtaking them!
Prima la musica – Boatsman’s neglected wife takes up with burly stevedore. Brief, bloody tale of jealousy, regret & in Seine passion.

Il Trovatore
Irene Vartanoff – So, Mom threw the wrong baby in the fire, and then…it’s complicated.
Dramamezzo – Trust me kill that man. Fry devil baby, Oops wrong one. No dummy dont do that, didnt work last time. HA you killed your brother.
Devon Cestes – I love Leonora.’ ‘No, I love Leonora.’ ‘Ok, you win, I’ll steal your gypsy (not) mom.’ ‘Wait, you’re brothers!’ Everybody dies.
Karl Steel - oops! burned up the wrong baby! Apparently I kept the one that sings
BachTrack – Executed Traitor was Baby Swap Victim, Confesses Gypsy Mum!

Pattyoboe – She threw the wrong baby into the fire, now the gypsy’s only desire is avenging her mom, & then she’ll retire.
Shevinka – Gypsies & fire; brothers & ire; all for Leonora, but ends with orrore.
R Lowen BVT – Count. Singer. Leonora. Gypsy. Baby. Fire. Anvil. Convent. Escape! Wedding. Not. Poison. Execution. He was your brother! Curtain.
Chicken Feet 2003 – Witch son was that?

Il Trittico
Paul JZ – 1) Death by strangulation on a barge on the Seine in Paris, 2) by poison in a convent near Siena, 3) and by old age in Florence
Christiana Cole – 1: Hey wifey, dance? HAHA tricked you! (dead boyfriend rolls out) 2: OMG babies (dies) 3: Everybody Loves Donkey.

Il Turco In Italia
David Karlin – Selim the Turk in Italy says local girls are easy. But in the end, Turkish ones are more persistent.
Mandy Inhofer – The cow as white as milk, the cape as red as blood, the plot as convoluted as a kaleidoscope, and Bernadette Peters

Idomeneo (Mozart – )
Opus Affair – Star-crossed boy & girl. Dad owes Neptune sacrifice. Whoops, it’s son. Monster attacks. Spoiler alert: happy ending.
Amndw2 – King: I didn’t drown! I’ll sacrifice…my son?! NO! Neptune: RELEASE THE KRAKEN! No, wait, changed my mind. [Wedding. Curtain.]

Into The Woods
By The Water’s Edge – Cinderella, Rapunzel, Jack+Beanstalk, Little Red Ridinghood, the Baker & his Wife all have tasks, but must stick together.

Iolantha (Tchaikovsky – )
Henri Drost - Whatever you do, don’t tell her she’s blind! Enter knight and Arab doctor. I can see! I can see!
Devon Cestes – HOLD ON, I’m blind and none of you thought that was pertinent information to tell me! Well, I guess I should have figured it out

Iphigénie en Aulide (Gluck – )
Nicole Brockmann/a> – Diana orders king to sacrifice daughter; her lover tries+fails 2 save her; at last moment goddess relents. What a piece of Gluck!

Iphigénie en Tauride (Gluck – )
Brian Imm Laywer – Dad axed her to win war, but the Gods secretly saved her. Brother and his boyfriend almost get knifed finding her 20 years later.
Oliver JMC – “Hey- Let’s kill mom and step dad!” “Chill out, freak.” “Yay! Orestes will do it!” Obligatory/spontaneous death of leading lady.

Jenufa (Janacek – )
Paul JZ – “Ice Ice Baby”
Paul JZ – “It Takes a Village to Raze a Child”
Paul JZ – “It Takes a Village (To Ice a Child)”
R Lowen BVT – Shame. Disfigurement. Illegitimate birth. Insanity. Infanticide. Scandal. Prison. Happy ending!
Jennifer Strumm – It would have ended better if ya knew not to leave Granny with the baby

Jerry Springer The Opera
Amndw2 – Today on Jerry Springer: …wait a minute, someone wrote an opera about Jerry Springer? What the [bleep]?
Paul JZ – (Inappropriate for Children) “Je-rry! Je-rry!” A chick with a *BLEEP*. Commercial break. Satan/Jesus fued *BLEEP*! Final Thought.

Judith (Serva – )
Prima la Musica – Hey Jude, don’t be afraid/You were made to go out & get him/The minute you get into his tent/You know you’re meant/To kill him.

Katya Kabanova
Madison Opera – My mother-in-law is cruel / my husband’s a tool. But Boris is dreamy / maybe he’ll save me. Or not. Boom, crash, splash.
Dumble Dad – My husband is cold and away. My mother-in-law is a dragon. Would it be vulgar to snog a friend? It was so I’ll drown in the Volga
BachTrack – My husband’s a wimp, I have the mother-in-law from hell and my lover makes me feel guilty. There’s only one way out.
Prima la musica – Mother-in-law from hell drives son’s frustrated young wife into the arms of another, into madness, and into the Volga

Khovanschina
lattavanti – Once was a man called Khovansky/In the last op of Musorgsky/Pete cleans up his mess/We must confess/Real cleaner-up was Rimsky

King Roger
Lattavanti – Creepy shepherd forms cult, convinces king to embrace Nietzsche waaaaaay before it was cool.

L’amore de tre Re
Devon Cestes – A blind king kills his cheating daughter in law to catch her lover. Poisoned lips, forgiveness, everybody dies but the grumpy Re

L’amour de loin
Josh Is Anonymous – Jaufre finds love online, friends think it’s a dude or a fat chick, meets her anyway, dies from panic when he finds it’s a lady
Nahokomusic – Fed up with horrible mother-in-law and useless husband, woman has an affair, but racked by guilt throws herself into the Volga
WMFTweetie – Poet prince of Blaye sings about lover in far-off Tripoli. Can it work? Is it real? He sails to her, but dies in her arms

L’Elisir d’amore
Dr Geoduck – How does a nobody get the girl he loves? Dulcamara’s solution: replace your whine with wine.
Classical Review – Notion. ‘Potion’. Commotion. Emotion. Devotion.
Henri Drost – Feeling bad? Want succes with women? Try this. Holy crap, it works. I’m a genius.
Irene Vartanoff – Sure, I’m the village buffoon, but I love you. Why involve a balloonist, the army, an inheritance, and all the village maidens?
Pattyoboe – I love her, she loves me not. What’s he have that I ain’t got? Mmmmm, elixir hits the spot! (I even rhymed with #operaplot !)

MMmusing – Adina! I’ll soon get a girl named Adina/Altho she says I’m lame/Elixir fixed the game for me/Adina! She just misted una furtiva!
MMusing – Don’t cry for me my Adina. The truth is I never left you all thru your sarge phase. I’m a persister; even enlisted to buy elixir.
NBrockmann – Adina’s in love w/Belcore,/And can think of no other signore./Dulcamara gives vino/To poor Nemorino/And calls it Elisir d’Amore.
Shevinka – Gets drunk, makes a fool of himself, joins the army, scores the girl… is Nemorino in an opera or on an English stag???!!
Mandy Inhofer – Whiny boy wants vapid girl. Drinks some potion, goes on a whirl. They discover N is rich. “Now I want you!” Stupid bitch.

Vankan0 – Guy wants to win girl. Fair enough. HE drinks a love potion so SHE will fall for that. Stupid no? Inherits fortune, all happy.
Oliver JMC – How to get the girl: Step 1: get really drunk around her. Step 2: sing a song about your tears. Step 3: inherit a lot of money.

L’enfant et les sortileges
Thos Carpenter -Toys, homework, flora and fauna turn the tables on a rude brat, until the squirrel gets hurt, and everyone decides to get along.
Audience Dev Spec – Naughty boy hurts his toys, household things, annoyed animals sing, a lesson taught, conscience fraught, a good boy end brings.
Busy Needles – Teach your tot to behave with magic talking tea set. (Batteries not included.)
P Scleuse – It’s “Where the Wild Things Are,” but with furniture and toys instead of monsters. And in French.
In The Theatre – Terrifying story. Hyper boy and the revenge of IKEA, a break-up, an arithmetic migraine and the fury of nature. Mom!!!

Richard Bratby – Stab a squirrel: anger a teapot. MUMMY!!!
Music Biz Kid – Rotten kid himself in PeeWee’s Bizarro Playhouse. Squirrel comes up gimpy in a brawl, & all’s forgiven.No place like home?
Kelly Pappageorge – A bad boy with ADHD destroyed all of his property but the items got mad and tortured the lad so next time he won’t be bratty

L’Heure d’Espagnol
Mistral Quartet – A lusty señorita, a man with a mule and a whole lot of clocks. Oh temptation!
Frindley – Weekly winding ritual & manifold, mixed-up indiscretions behind the counter prove good for clock business in Toledo. Cuck-old!
Music Biz Kid – “Honey, is it me or did that clock just sneeze? That one, too? Wait, why are there 3 clocks in our bedroom? Oh COME ON!!”
Music Biz Kid -Tonight@11: The heartbreaking tale of a local man whose world was turned upside-down by a Trojan clock. His wife: “Time had come”
Hair Man WNO – Top totty tic-tocking wife tires of poetry and power and falls for a muscular bower

L’Incoronazione di Poppea
Sandra Mogensen – To hell with virtue and fortune, Love Conquers All (even perfidy & treachery). That’s Amore, And They Called it Poppy Love.
P Schleuse – Emperor dumps wife, kills advisor, marries floozy. Love conquers all? No wonder that final duet has a lament bass!
lattavanti – Married girl in search of a good time accidentally causes moral collapse of Rome, influx of campy tenor nurses.

L’Orfeo (Monteverdi – )
Wende Persons -From Bill: 1st – green mtns – girl weds boy sings girl dies boy sings girl revived boy..LOOK! girl dies boy sings girl…no Glück

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On this day..

• The Opera (Houses) Plotted - 2009
• Review: Trio Laurier Shares Spotlight With Sea Asparagus - 2008
• 'The Mind Of A Critic' - 2008
• Quiz #14 - 2008