#Operaplot 2010 Entries: Lb-Qz

A-C | D-Die Zauberflöte | Don-Fz | G-L | La | Lb-Qz | R-Tg | The | Thf-Z | Orphans

Instructions on what to do if your plot isn’t here/is in the wrong spot

Le Coq d’Or
Frindley – Ki-kiri-kuku! Silly recumbent king finds that relying on avian warning system for border control costs him sons, bride and life.

Le Nozze di Figaro (Mozart – )
Sam DeWese -Trick husband & all acquaintances into thinking they’re smart for 1 crazy day, then get your way in the end anyway. No one dies!
MMmusing – Count thinks “maid is made for me,” but doesn’t count on trickery of servant who serves up disguises; mezzo really one of guys is
harryfiddler – Cherub, I? No. Figaro and Sue got married, Count and Countess stayed married, but Barbarina lost it
Amndw2 -To do: decorate new hat, hide page, hide page again, get married, write fake love letter, disguise self as boss. Whew. Busy day.
MMmusing – Wedding Day: Boss wants bride. Old bag wants me. Page just wants it. Send letter. Dress up page. Find mom in bag. It works out!

Oliver JMC – “Hey Count! Thanks for not raping my fiancée!”/”I’m going to try to seduce her anyway”/”You do realize you’re the buffo, right?”
Lizzie VS – Everyone thinking about one thing; The House of Almaviva on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
N Brockman – AlmavivaHasAimsMostImpure/ ThatHisWifeCanNoLongerEndure/ SoShePlotsW/HerMaid/HidesDisguisedInAGlade/JigIsUp-NoMoreDroitDeSeigneur
Oliver JMC – “Hey Count! Thanks for not raping my fiancée!”/”I’m going to try to seduce her anyway”/”You do realize you’re the buffo, right?”
Oliver JMC – No… MY fiancée is more faithful” “No, MINE is!” But honestly, who could resist these sexy Albanians? So are they all

Les mamelles de Tiresias
Devon Cestes – herese lost her mamelles. Cop hits on crossdressed husband. Hubby cooks up a baby. Drunks revive. ‘Hey France, make babies!’
Henri Drost – What do you mean you don’t want breasts anymore? Fine, than I’ll have 40.049 children. Should take about an hour.

Le Postillion de Longjumeau
Otterhouse – The Postilion always marries twice…

Les Troyennes
Imani Moseley – the mate was pretty venus’ son/the queen was strong & sure/Italie the gods cry the queen’ll die/in this 5 hour tour a 5 hour tour
Music Biz Kid – Tonight@11: The heartbreaking tale of a local man whose world was turned upside-down by a Trojan clock. His wife: “Time had come”
EG Meijer -Part I “I told you, do not mess with the horse”. Part II “Then go on with your mission, I quit”.

Little Women
CTMCC – Sisters Sisters There never were such devoted sisters Wait Mr came between Jo and her sister and Beth died. Sisters Sisters …

Lohengrin (Wagner – )
Dr Geoduck – Their relationship was doomed from the beginning. Elsa wanted a champion, but he preferred swanning about
Megoceleste – Why would you need to know my name? Isn’t my pimped-out swan boat enough for you, woman?
Olivia Giovetti -If you knew what happened to the first couple who heard it, you may rethink using that ubiquitous bridal march.
Dustefjerten – Boy falls in love with girl. But girl has a pet swan trapped in a ring of fire. Swan is saved, but boy dies of tuberculosis.
Jessica Duchen – Him: I want to marry you, but you mustn’t ask who I am. Her: OK, then – but who are you? And what’s that swan doing? Oops…

John Pitcher – A one knight stand with a HUGE walk of shame
Hariclea – Knight pissed off with chatty wife, runs back to daddy, leaves pet bird behind.
Mere Foix – A swan, a missing brother and the grail do not a good relationship make. And I don’t even know your name!
Olivia Giovetti – If you knew what happened to the first couple who heard it, you may rethink using that ubiquitous bridal march.
Liszt Nut – Tough prenup:”Don’t ask who I am.” Decided not to go with the Mendelsohn wedding march. BTW,when’s the next swan due to arrive?

Lattavanti – All I asked was Swan Boy’s bloody name and he dumped me. Ortie was right, dude was bad news. WHAT? Shit. At least G’s back.
Vankan0 – Knight comes to rescue Lady in Distress; she may not ask his name. Of course she does (women!). He tells and drives off in swan
Maura Lafferty – Ortrud tries Brabant to con/Lohengrin comes with the dawn/Don’t ask his name/his powers will wane/Turns out the boy’s a swan
Illenatimd – tell dad I’m coming back home stop all gone wrong stop wife went nuts stop – and you never guess what happened to my ride…..!
Shevinka – Son, I don’t know what YOU think befits a Grail-Knight, but I regret ever having agreed to your gap year. Come home NOW – Dad

Lucia di Lamermoor
Third Lady – enrico ashton requests the pleasure of your company at the wedding of his sister, lucia, and lord arthur…oh, never mind…
Hariclea – Castle-ghost competition following Scottish wedding. Candidates: dead crazy bride, murdered groom, suicide-ex-boyfriend
Olivia Giovetti -Fragile lass wanders Ravenswood like a ghost. Two marriages later, becomes ghost. Husband No. 1 follows suit for heavenly reunion
Pierce Lumpkin -Jilted lovers: Man- mope in graveyard, kill self. Woman- marry other guy, go crazy, kill him, sing crazy song, kill self.
Otterhous – For sale: Wedding ring, never used. Address: Ravenswood, Scotland.

Dustefjerten – Place: The Scottish moors in some creepy castles. Plot: Kinda like Romeo and Juliet, only madder. And bloodier.
Alejoplay – Everyone thought Lucia was mad when she insisted it would be a simple ceremony
Sconseter – brother to sis: marry that one, not this; sister to bro: I’ll kill him, you know
Frindley – How do you solve a problem like Lucia? How can a marriage splice the feuding kilts? (Madness, death & the moonbeam’s out of hand)

Lulu (Berg – )
John Pitcher -Sss-heart attack-suicide-lesbian-murder-cholera switcheroo-syphilis-murder- Jack the Ripper-MurderX2. Aspirin!
MMmusing – Lo, Lulu. LOL!

MacBeth (Verdi – )
Amndw2 – An anxiously murderous Scot/Whose wife on her hand sees a spot/Thinks fate is his friend/But falls in the end/The Bard wrote this

Madame Butterfly (Puccini – )
TB Schlaf – Navy man buys Japanese wife, house for 999 years, then splits. She’s right: un bel di he does come back…with Wife #2. Dolore!
Sam Neuman – Miss Saigon, but set to music!
David Karlin – Husband departed / To America in Spring / Only grief remains
Gaspsiagore – Ben should buy a giant flat-screen TV but no, he has to destroy a Japanese girl’s entire life, despite the best advice & whiskey.
Pattyoboe – Oh say can you see my American wife? She will come take your child, and you’ll take your life.
Kelly Pappageorge – smarmy tenor woos/ take away tenor, add kid/ Con onor muore

Otterhouse – Sails to Japan. Buys house. Knocks up 15 yo. Ditches her. Comes back for her child. His wife leaves him alive!
Prima la musica – Amatory lepidopterist traps fragile specimen among Nagasaki cherry blossoms. Fumbling to release her, he crushes her instead.
Josiah Gulden – Sorry 2 drop this on u babe, but I’m *technically* still married to a suicidal 16 y/o geisha… & turns out she had my kid. Oops?
– Miserable Asian Dies After Marrying American. Blade Under The Throat Elicits Regret From Lying Yankee.

Manon Lescaut
Chicken Feet 2003 – Dead in a desert? In Louisiana? I blame global warming.
Olivia Giovetti – Tart-with-a-heart ditches her Parisian party girl lifestyle to shack up with young naive lover. Because THAT always ends well…
Josiah Gulden – All’armi! All’ar… screw it. I can’t do this. I have absolutely no idea what’s going on right now.
R Lowen BVT – You coaxed the heart right out of Des Grieux. Manon! You spent his fortune in a week or two. Manon! Au revoir, Ciao, Manon!
Lattavanti – Screw nunship, need tenor love! no, need bass w/$! no, love! hey tenor let’s rob bass! Don’t arrest us! New Orleans has a desert?

Madeleine Lee
Talopine – The crew play baseball / In the desert’s heat. And wait. / And…stay with the plane.
John Of Oz – Busty B52 down in desert. One parachutes out. Crew play baseball, dead or alive. Saviour returns. Living talk to dead. Ends

Marco Polo
EG Meier – Split personality meets some famous people and breaks down the wall on his journey to the East.

Margot Alone In The Light
Gaspiagore – Rain. Schoolchildren on Venus. Margot remembers the sun. When sun comes out, William has locked her in the closet. Ray Bradbury.

Mathis der Mahler (Hindemith -)
Gene DeLisa – What Mathis paints is not enough. He joins the peasant’s revolt then finds the peasants revolting. After an LSD trip he packs up.

Mavra (Stravinsky – )
Renegade Oboe – Vassili, I love you, but we can only be together if you can pretend to be a woman and avoid close shaves!

McTeague (Bolcom – )
Renegade Oboe – Mac cleans Trinasteeth, experiences avarice – gold usurps ethics.

Médée (Charpentier – )
Wild Kitten PR – I can’t believe you’d leave me, after all I’ve done for you. Right that’s it, I’m stabbing the children then leaving on my dragon

Moby-Dick (Heggie – 2010)
Thomas Rhodes – (Sung as children’s rhyme) Gonna get a white whale, a white wale, a white wale. Mad about a white whale. Oops, it got me!

Monkey: Journey To The West (Albarn – 2007)
AMM Music – crash into unknown planet – What’s up with all these monkeys? – Hmmm that statue looks familiar – “I LOVE U DOCTOR ZAUIS!”
– (Sung as children’s rhyme) Gonna get a white whale, a white wale, a white wale. Mad about a white whale. Oops, it got me!

Moses In Egypt
Jepaco – You may leave, must stay, may leave, says Pharaoh. Pharoness catches the prince with an Israeli beauty. Moses parts the red sea.

Nabucco
Alejoplay – Hate to break it to you, Abby, not only is your daddy God, but you’re adopted

Neither
Bloody Mortimer – up. down. left. right. yes. no. … can anybody hear me? & who turned all the lights out? … oh bugger it

Nixon In China (Adams – )
Bloody Mortimer – Plane on stage makes news front page. Pat see pigs get fat. Dick wants to let down his hair, but Mao is just a big red square
Kilted Composer – Tricky Dicky goes 2 China.CEO of said Country shows ballroom skills in 4/4 at>116and<136bpm.Orch/Band happy 2 get 2 ‘fine’/pub
P Schleuse – Dick goes to China, talks to Mao, Pat admires a big fat sow. Madame Mao puts on a show, but by Act III it’s time to go
Naxos Music Library – Nixon in China
Music vs Theater – @Kissinger23 new idea for comeback: covertly fund musical with me as the hero. Focus on positive. Can we get Bernstein?

Higgs Bosons LHC – Ping Pong Sing Song
John Pitcher – Richard, and Chiang and Pat, Oh Mao
TB Schlaf – Newsworthy handshake,tense meeting, endless toast, pig farm, allegorical ballet, reminiscences.How much of what we did was good?

Norma (Bellini – )
Sam Neuman – Casta DIVA, Norma! I know you wanted to put the spark back in your marriage, but this pyre thing is over-the-top even for you
Karl Steel – you messed with the wrong druidess this time, amicus meum
Hats Stand Opera – BBQ Stonehenge this evening. Bring a child or two. RSVP
– Sleeping with the enemy is a bad career move for a high priestess. But when the wayward lover returns, desire can be burning.
Sublime Louise – Celeb cougar is dumped by toy-boy for young starlet. She takes him down in a blaze of glory. Shoulda seen that one coming!

Noye’s Fludde (Britten – 1957)
Dumble Dad – A very cute storm in a teacup, with audience participation

Oedipus Rex (Stravinksky – )
William Godfree – Oedipus! What are you doing with those pins? For heavens sake, think of your mum!
Music Vs Theater – Ego Rex,yo! Wit my mad flow. Tiresias be hatin on my bling tho. Cuz I’m the king, aint no other. Is my ho fly? Word to my mother!
Frindley – Son abandoned after patricidal prediction, kills father anyway AND marries his mother. That kind of thing will turn you blind.

Of Mice And Men
Pattyoboe – Always trouble! Man, wanting to stroke soft fur can get a person shot in the head. That’s so not mice.

Orfeo e Euridice (Gluck – )
Vankan0 -Singer regains wife from death; he may not look back.. Of course he does (men!) and now she’s still dead and it’s his fault too.
Sam Neuman – I miss Euridice. I wish I could see her again, but under weird, arbitrary conditions that will later be revoked. Trionfi amore!
Henri Drost – Don’t look back. You must never look back. Aw-shucks, what have I done. Devine intervention. Boy and girl are placed in heaven.
Third Lady – the story of my trip to hell/should definitely ring a bell/in fact it’s proven highly popular/inspiring more than one great opera
Mandy Inhofer – O: I’m rescuing you from death. E: Look how high we are! O: Wow, we are pretty high…DAMMIT.

Ralph Graves – Greek musician goes to hell and back. Wife only makes it halfway.
Higgs Bosons LHC – Euridice dies, Orpheus gets her back, nag, nag, nag, oops gone, more pleas, gods let her go again, peace (for the gods)
Jennifer Stumm – I die twice for you and still you just HAD to look. Men! *sighs*

Orphée
Dufornee – Love, snake, death, underworld, music, don’t look, cant resist, do it anyway, stuck in underworld forever. All men are sissies.
Olivia Giovetti – He goes thru hell to retrieve her. They say don’t look back. He does anyway. No do-overs

Orpheo d’Enfers
Amndw2 – Don’t look back. Don’t look back. Don’t look…oops. Noooooo! Wait, we’ll still be reunited? Hooray! Everyone dance!

Otello (Verdi – )
Vankan0 – O’s beautiful wife is devoted to him. Is he happy? He thinks she’s cheating and he strangles her. Is he happy now? Good question.
Gaspsiagore – Storm hits Venice-Moor saves ship-Rejoicing-Drinking-Evil rival plants seed of jealousy with innocent wife’s hanky-Double tragedy
Otterhouse – Iago is sincere in his lying and, be honest, is losing a strawberries handkerchief is such a genuine cliché.
Gaspsiagore – Storm hits Venice-Moor saves ship-Rejoicing-Drinking-Evil rival plants seed of jealousy with innocent wife’s hanky-Double tragedy
MMmusing – You must remember this. A kiss is still a kiss: “un bacio” in duet; “ancora’un bacio” while upset; then with regret.

– Verdi & Boito perfect Shakespeare: moor hero; evil man plants jealousy; wife innocent; moor can’t take it, kills wife & self; sad
P Schleuse – Black celebrity murders white wife. He’s acquitted, but his career is ruined.

Padmavati
Bloody Mortimer – Mongol sultan seeks to ride the punani, but ends up giving it to husband up the Chittor. Both ends burning

Platée
Henri Drost – I know you’re green, but my wife’s so green with envy, that I still want to marry you.
Danny Liss – Gods slum it in the swamp; even platypus monsters want to be loved! (Honk honk!)

Parsifal (Wagner – )
Bloody Mortimer – pale & impaled goosey grail gander. necromancy underpantsy miraculously turns young mans fancy. their cup runneth over.
Villa Lobos – Ow! I poked myself, and it hurts! Holy crap, it hurts! – Let mama kiss it better – Hey man, great spear! Pass me a beer!
Classical Music Review – The musical with the Holy Grail in it that ISN’T Eric Idle’s Spamalot.
Shevinka – Verbose old man seeks virgin-idiot for grail-ritual hospitanz, possible full-time engagement. Spear negotiable; empathy a must.
Oliver JMC – …and then Gurnemanz dismisses the fool from the Hall of the Grail. The end. There are two more acts, you tell me?!

Partenope
Bryan Imm Lawyer – Crossdressing woman seduces queen to punish her cheating boyfriend. But her plan is foiled when challenged to a shirtless duel!

Pélleas et Mélisande (Debussy )
E flat Major – hey boys, check out my hair. am i a tease or naive? badass husband or his sensitive bro? wait, did i just sprog whilst in a coma?
Patrick Swanson – Clingy douche kills anemic hair-fetishist brother after discovering anemic amnesiac wife’s affair through anemic child.
P Schleuse – It’s Tristan und Isolde, but with no potion, less dissonance, and less action. And in French.
Dumbledad – Rescued you from fountain sorrow why torment me with lust for brother? I’ve killed him. Whose baby is this? What illness is that?

Peter Grimes (Britten – )
Dumbledad – Sailor abuse; sea; sailor abuse; sea; teacher abuse; sea; child abuse; sea; death; sea
William Godfree – Having killed off two apprentices in succession, crazed East Anglian fisherman very wisely tops himself.
Patrick Swanson – Peter Grimes is an awful brute. I hear he molests boys and then kills them. Let’s beat him up. What’s that? He’s dead? Whatever.
Classical Review – Do the worst things happen at sea? The villagers seem to think so.
Zippy Bippy – Kill, Kill, wash your hands, wash your hands, wash your hands.

Christiana Cole – I’m sorry Mr Grimes, but this hankie is REALLY incriminating, so we can only conclude you are a pedoph–HEY COME BACK
P Schleuse – His intent is not infernal, but Peter Grimes is not maternal. When the townsfolk form a mob, Pete himself must do the job.
MMmusing – How’s the fishing? Not good for Grimes; worse for his help. He wants to marry Ellen, but ends up with the best character: the Sea
John Pitcher – Caught in a net/The outcast squirms/ Ready, get, set/ The village churns/ Cry, wail and fret!/ But what have we learned?

Le Boyfriend – Grimes is at his exercise when yet another ‘prentice dies. Ellen helps but folks defeat her. Nothing’s left but “Goodbye Peter!”
Prima la Musica – Able seaman and troubled soul departs gossip’s gutters, stumbles into stormy seas while gazing at the stars.

Priates of Penzance (Sullivan – )
King Ouf I – He, misapprenticed. She, from a large family. Her father, no orphan! Corsairs and Coppers in mayhem, united in royal loyalty.

Porgy And Bess (Gershwin – )
Sam Neuman – Summertime, and the livin’…could be easier.
Music vs Theater – SBF iso SBM. Car,mule,legs optional. Happy dust OK. Just broke up w bf,so off to NYC for week. Write 2u l8r. (account deleted)
Imani Moseley – i <3 a girl but she’s w/a thug i’ll trick him into getting arrested. wait he’s back & took my girl to NYC? oh lawd i’m on my way!

Postcard From Morocco
Jose S Piano – Imagine if you will a train station. 7 strangers. Waiting. Sharing nothing. Songs of a mirror, a box, a boat. Wish you were here?

Powder Her Face (Ades -)
Eighth Blackbird – An ageing, nostalgic Duchess recalls her youth. Sings an aria while giving fellatio. ‘Nuff said.

Prima la music, poi le parole/Der Schauspieldirecktor (Mozart – )
Frindley – First the music then the [Italian] words? Or a flustered impresario auf Deutsch? Opera vs Singspiel playoff in Joe 2’s orangerie.

Punch and Judy (Davies – )
AMM Music – He throws the baby on the fire; more murders to follow. He longs for her; redemption saught. Sometime, Britten walks out

Queen of Spades (Tchaikovsky – )
Irene Vartanoff – Gambling addiction leads to perdition, two dead women, too bad Herman.
Third Lady – poor ghermann! unlucky in love, unlucky at cards…but such a way with the old ladies…
WFMT Tweetie – He’s an incurable gambler and he killed your grandma – RUN! Or, maybe stick around & sing beautiful, tortured Russian music.
Alejoplay – You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold them, learn when to walk away and qrun from dead ladies with gambling tips

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20 comments

  1. thirdlady

    “well-traveled nautical type” above was correct where it was originally placed: flying dutchman, not peter grimes…

  2. Lakmé
    Karl Steel -no worries. she’s not mad at you anymore. See? She gave you a flower…dang…that’s poisoned.

    Think this might be Adriana Lecouvreur, not Lakme. Lakme kills herslef with a flower and knows it’s lethal. Adriana is sent poisoned violets by a jealous rival.

  3. Caroline

    Shevinka – Son, I don’t know what YOU think befits a Grail-Knight, but I regret ever having agreed to your gap year. Come home NOW – Dad

    …is Lohengrin, not Parsifal!

  4. Ren

    My McTeague #operaplot isn’t here!
    Ici:

    @renegadeoboe Mac cleans Trinasteeth, experiences avarice – gold usurps ethics.

  5. Irene Vartanoff

    Irene Varatanoff – Greek musician goes to hell and back. Wife only makes it halfway.

    Not mine. (My name is spelled wrong, too.)

  6. pschleuse

    Missing my Madama Butterfly:

    Miserable Asian Dies After Marrying American. Blade Under The Throat Elicits Regret From Lying Yankee. #operaacronym

    And my Otello:

    Black celebrity murders white wife. He’s acquitted, but his career is ruined.

    Also, the Rameau opera is Platée, not Palatée.

  7. A few of mine are miscategorized:

    “Tart-with-a-heart ditches her Parisian party girl lifestyle to shack up with young naive lover. Because THAT always ends well…” is actually La Traviata, not Manon Lescaut

    “He goes thru hell to retrieve her. They say don’t look back. He does anyway. No do-overs” is Orphee et Eurydice, not Orphee aux Enfers

    Ta!

    • Miss Mussel
      Author

      No prob. Hopefully I chose the right Orfeo this time. There are so many and multiple ways to say each title…a problem with opera in general, I’ve found.

  8. shevinka

    hi – The “Son, I don’t know whay YOU think befits a Grail Knight…etc” – is (supposed to be)Lohengrin (currently under Parsifal)

    thank you!

  9. Oliver

    Again, perhaps too late, but

    Oliver JMC – No… MY fiancée is more faithful” “No, MINE is!” But honestly, who could resist these sexy Albanians? So are they all

    Was intended to be Cosi.

  10. pschleuse

    The Madama Butterfly post “Miserable Asian Dies…” is listed without an author. It’s mine.

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