Bloody Mortimer – blind deaf mute achieves messianic status by fiddling with his silver balled mechanical apparatus
Tonya & Nancy
Bonnie Situation – My rival’s hitman whacked my knee and all I got was this lousy silver medal. Why, why, WHY?
Tosca (Puccini – )
Gerrit Theule – Painter captured by a cop. Rape a singer? She yells “stop”! Cop? He dies. Singer: “flies!” Tenor tricked in his demise.
John Pitcher – An opera singer’s misstep is put to good use by the Napoleonic propaganda machine who turn her into a celebrated martyr
E Wurzbach – bang,hide,found,Mario,Mario,Mario,jealous,wet kiss,she will to his will,love,art,torture,Palmieri,sharp kiss,bang,O Sacrpia,splat
Irene Vartanoff – EscapedPrisonerJealousGirlfriendEnviousSacristanSadisticCop/Torture meIWon’tTalk/She told?I’mDoneButLifeIsSoBeautiful
David Karlin – The chief of police has been stabbed. Round up the usual suspects.
Eleanor Banks – singer courted, artist tortured, attempted rape, bloody escape, gaze at stars, shot by guards, leap from wall, dead are all
EG Meijer And the Oscar goes to… the tortured guy that played the execution scene and his girlfriend for base jumping with no parachute
Amndw2 – Signora Floria. In the dining room. With the steak knife.
MJ Karlin – Large diva inspires jealousy, rivals, murderous behavior and trampoline makers
N Brockmann – A painter named Cavaradossi/Has a GF both pious&saucy/He is tortured;she cries/He eventually dies/4 protecting a guy in his posse
P Schleuse – Flying Leap Off Rampart In Ardor. Talk Of Scarpia’s Celestial Appointment.
Sam Neuman – Multitasking diva juggles art criticism, recital, hostage negotiations, murder – and still finds time for aria of self-pity
Operanuts – The usual schmaltz. The tenor is ardent, the soprano sings, the baritone is evil. This time only the shepherd boy survives
Pattyoboe – Whoa, he sure faked well in front of that firing squad. Oh. Wait. Guess I’ll take a flying leap.
Otter house – From Operastar to Jackaaaaahhhhhsssss ! (boink) Scarpia chairs the jury …
Mere Foix – A boink in the church! No wonder everyone gets killed (or killed themselves) in the end.
Alejoplay – You touch my lover and Imma gonna have to cutchu, even though I’m a good Catholic girl into (the) Madonna.
R Lowen BVT – There was a performer named Tosca So fine she deserved many Oscas Scarpia came by & tortured her guy & now they’re in a sepulchre
Ensemble King – artist <3 famous singer T., cop <3 T. also, cop kills artist, T. kills cop, T. kills herself but priest lives happily ever after
Renegade Oboe – Tosca’s lova hides-a prisona. She’s-a betraya, he’s-a-rrested. Tosca plans-a bold escape, but in the end a fall she takes-a
Dumbledad – 3 acts. Key character from Act 1 not seen again. In Act 2 main baddie dies. PLOT FAIL. Quick recover: fake fake death then death
Irene Vartanoff – I love it when women resist me./Arrgh. /I’m dead, but I’ve still got a nasty surprise for you./ See you in hell, b****.
Fab4favefan – Kinky police chief wants to kill artist to possess diva. All die.
Tristan und Isolde (Wagner – )
MMmusing – The first chord puts tonality on notice. The ending lets Isolde Liebestod us.
Sam Neuman – “Ew, TRISTAN?! I’d rather drink poison!” “Ahh, Tristan, I suddenly love you!” “Hey, Tris, sorry I’m late, the boat was…Tristan?
Mango Fantasy – Tristan & Isolde fall in love. Tristan & Isolde are caught discussing Schopenhauer. Tristan & Isolde die.
Irene Vartanoff – IHateYou,YouHateMe/ILoveYou,YouLoveMe/We’reBadTogether,We’reSadApart/Love
Philip Sheppard – Cool chord with a sloane name. Package trip. Dodgy cocktail. Hours of banging on re love & death. Nice flowers
Paul JZ – Irish ♀ + Breton ♂ x ♪ leitmotifs in ♠s = ♥ death
Underground PDX – unresolved. sailor. love potion. unresolved. unresolved. darkness. only in death. unresolved. transfiguration. cadence.
Gerrit Theule – Nothing helps love like a good strong drink
EG Meijer – Pleasure drink replaces killer drug to no effect: pipe dreams remain, dead all the same.
Brian Robison – Potion switched, pair bewitched, lust white-knuckled, king a cuckold, mortal wound, love-death crooned…but who are Milt & Liza?
Paul JZ – Irish ♀ + Breton ♂ = ♥ death
Beth 1170 – Irish princess harbors a secret lover. Day turns to night, they’re dying to be together. First, must perf endurance singing.
R Lowen BVT – They were sailing on the ocean but Brangane switched the potion giving rise to their emotions then he dies and so does she
Vankan0 – Boy and girl fall in love. Wasn’t meant to be, cause :drink. Hero dies. Girl dies too. Awww shucks.
Beth1170 – Irish princess harbors a secret lover. Day turns to night, dying to be together, sing themselves to death, takes hours.
Pierce Lumpkin – vicious saf seeks impulsive sam for long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners, and three riddles for marriage or a good show.
Vankan0 – Princess must guess name of perfect stranger or else. Tortures a few. Noone sleeps. Noone tells either. Life sucks.
William Godfree – Cryptophile Tartar prince successfully woos serial-killer Chinese princess. Love means never having to say you’re sorry.
Paul JZ – All that stands between Turandot and her man: a millennia-old feminist grudge, “Hope, Blood, Turandot,” slave girl and frigidity.
Diva Biva 1 – Or 3 riddles. You are the weakest Chink, goodbye!
Amndw2 – Five hours, four corpses, and one Liebestod later, the opening chords finally resolve.
Paul JZ – My head says Turandon’t! But my heart says Turando!
R Lowen BVT – She kills not only her suitors and a slave girl, but also the composer
Paul JZ – 3 protagonists enter. 3 cries of “Turandot.” 3 gongs. 3 riddles. 3 correct answers. 3 ministers lament. 3 “Vinceròs!” 3 Acts end
Un Ballo Maschera
Thos Carpenter – Let’s all try to figure out why the King of Sweden was assassinated in Boston. I think it has something to do with the censors.
Pattyoboe – It won’t end well; U love your friend’s wife. He will find out & you’ll lose your life but 1st pardon is given; all is forgiven
Vanessa (Barber – )
Nate Bach – Says he loves her then sees her face… sleeps with her daughter instead. Daughter knows he’s a creep. He runs off with mom
John Pitcher – Unrequited love and poor firearm safety leads an Emo to suicide. Basically a song by The Smiths except with fewer laughs.
Patty Andreu – She’s getting married and I want to die. One month later: She is married and I want to die. Christmas time: Ok, I’m dead.
Prima la musica – Unrequited lover’s talent for maudlin poetry is dwarfed by his spectacular gift for RUINING Christmas.
Shevinka – German panthiest seeks dutiful angel for reve, extase, bonheur & complicity in suicide (mine). Singles need not apply.
West Side Story (Bernstein)
Paul JZ – I ♥ NY
Writing To Vermeer
Henri Drost – Let’s all write letters to a Dutch painter
Wozzeck (Berg – )
Patrick Swanson – Everyone is so mean to me/I have strange visions=Gotta kill mother of my child. How does one get blood out? *glurg*
David Weininger – Soldier, kind of a shlub, is abused & experimented on. Girlfriend cheats, of course. Goes bonkers, kills girl, and drowns – nu?
Frindley – Brutalised Soldat leads a dissonant existence; stabs inconstant mistress; only saved from serial crime by accidental drowning
M Buchanan – Shave the captain and eat some peas for the doctor – what’s the worst that could happen! … ahh, I see … time for a swim
Beth1170 – Wife’s a whore, cheats with drummajor. Better a knife in her belly than my hands on her. OK, enjoy your knife. Oops I’m drowning
Xerxes (Handel – )
Bloody Mortimer – transgender monarch serenades shrub. no one really cares what happens after that. general mincing about. somewhere in persia.
Pattyoboe – If he’d stuck to loving his tree instead of wanting me there wouldn’t be three acts of misery. At least it all ends happily.