All Entries Tagged With: "humour"

Eleven Ladies Dancing

“You brought the ladies? All eleven of them? But are they dancing is more to the point. I don’t trust you BBC people an inch.”

Day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11

Ten Pipers Piping

“Crickets, as you know, are very tricky to train. Almost untrainable. Very individual creatures with precious little discipline, so in practice, all they did really was a lot of leg rubbing as and when they felt inclined. Tempermental little sods.”

Day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

Nine Drummers Drumming

“You see, MI6’s view is that if you know exactly what every single person in the world is going to do at any given time, we’ll be able to anticipate what they’ll do next but, as you can imagine, the paperwork is absolutely monstrous.”

Day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

Eight Maids-a-Milking

“We always use maids, Filipina maids, working in teams of eight. Seven on each team were employed by me secretly milking up to a hundred cows each night. The other one worked for my father doing any secret washing up, secret hoovering and so on, as he felt needed doing.”

Day 1, 2, 3, 4, [...]

Seven Swans-a-Swimming

“Fraud is really in the eye of the receiver isn’t it. What I was doing was not so much fraud as teaching people a lesson.”

Day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Six Geese-a-Laying

“The Streeb-Greeblings for some genetic reasons have been blessed with fourteen toes, so obviously having one missing here or there doesn’t make a blime bit of difference. In fact it probably saved me a fortune in later years as I was going to have it done cosmetically on the National Health. So really a [...]

Five Gold Rings

“I was chatting to a couple of blondes and Hitler drifted over with the sausage rolls and asked me to run in the Olympics.”

Day 1, 2, 3, 4